Talismans.

I am not a particularly superstitious person. Not in the traditional sense anyway. I mean, sure, I'll yell "Jinx buy me a coke" if I happen to say the same thing at the same time as The Esquire but I don't necessarily go out of my way to avoid black cats or sidewalk cracks or ladders. I have been known to toss a bit of salt over my left shoulder, but like the Jinx Chant, that's more a habit than a superstition at this point.

But while I don't worry about broken mirrors or Friday the 13th or dropping dishcloths, I do tend to give meaning to certain random things.

When I was 16 my parents brought me a small silver cross necklace from Mexico. I have not boarded a plane without it on since then. Whether it's a small trip to the east coast or a longer trip involving passports, I never travel without that cross. I'm not in the least bit afraid to fly or to travel so is this a habit or a superstition...I'm not sure but I know I feel better wearing this necklace.

I have a certain shirt of The Esquires I always sleep in when he has to go out of town over night. Even if I have to pull it from the dirty clothes, I have to wear it when he's not here.

For almost 2 yrs now I have been wearing a string bracelet given to me by a Buddhist monk at Wat Pho in Bangkok. It used to be a bright yellow (the color used to represent the King of Thailand...who I LOVE with a devout passion) but now is a dirty chartreuse. When the monk tied it onto my right wrist he blessed it, my life and my future family. I'm not allowed to take it off...it has to break naturally. And so I continue to wear it (it shows no signs of breaking) ... but again, is this habit, superstition or fear of a Monk's Wrath?

So yes, I have things in my life that I attach meaning to. And lately, as the wait drags on, I've noticed that I am assigning even more weight to certain things.
I have started carrying around in my wallet the little Ethiopian cross shown above. I inherited it from my mother-in-law who purchased it when they lived in Addis. I touch it every time I open my wallet. I've also started wearing 24/7 this mustard seed charm. My mother received it from her uncle when she was in high school and I grew up loving to play with it. She gave it to me a few years back but for some reason, even though I still loved it, I just never wore it. And then suddenly, starting last month I have begun to wear it non-stop. I touch it and rub it and think about the parable of the mustard seed all the time.

And right now, sitting on my computer monitor I have these two things:
Our first Fisher Price Little Person black boy (I've named him Kevin...seems so 70's doesn't it?) and this little hand-beaded Africa key chain given out as a wedding favor at my friend's Susan and Wusu's ceremony a few years back. Green, white and blue are the colors of the Sierra Leone flag, which is where Wusu (and the key chains) are from. They met 20-something years ago in the Peace Corps in SL and were finally able to get married 2 years ago. Sweet huh? I feel both Kevin and this key chain are chock-a-block full of goodness and optimism so I look at them every day.

Oh, and have I mentioned The Esq's horoscope last week? (Horoscopes being something we both read for fun but only believe in if they sound good...you know how that works). Last Friday his horoscope in the LA Times said:

Your energy will be a bit scattered until you focus on one wish.
Create a symbol for your wish and carry it with you.

Yes. Well. Since then he and I both have the above photo of Kevin and the key chain as the screen savers on our phones.

I feel like we are in the final stretch of the Wait List Race. I feel like things are about to happen and for some reason, having all these little talismans, these good luck symbols make me feel better. I know they don't have any real magical power. And I know that our children will be revealed to us at the perfect time (April 22nd) so it doesn't matter how many Ethiopian Crosses I carry. But for some reason, having these things around helps me focus on the goal.

Silly? Maybe. But who cares. All I need right now is faith the size of a mustard seed. And an African key chain. And Kevin...