Megabit 22

Today I stood in the grocery store and pondered cupcake mixes. I am not a cook of any sort but occasionally I can pull off a mix. The Esquire is an amazing cook and an even more amazing baker (pies are his specialty) but tonight he had work to do so the cupcakes were up to me. "Supreme Moist" "Deluxe Moistness" "With Pudding in the Mix" So many choices. So many unnecessary uses of the word "moist." I decided to trust Solomon and went with the Pillsbury.

I then bought giant '1' candles...two of them. It was a crazy, giddy moment for me...buying those candles. I have to admit I grinned all the way through check-out and walking to my car. And then I Facebooked about the candles! For someone who never wanted kids I sure am getting a thrill out of the little things.

Tomorrow my babies, my twins, turn one year old. April 1st. Or as they say in Ethiopia, Megabit 23, 2002.

Tomorrow there will be cupcakes.

There will be presents

and there will be crowns.

And in a week there will be a big party with lots of friends and family, a party that, odds are, the twins will sleep through. But regardless we are celebrating this milestone and these two sweet lives with gusto and joy and a bouncy house. I have never been so excited about a birthday celebration in my life. I mean seriously excited. There has been monogramming, people!

But all through my excitement this week, and now as I wait for the cupcakes to bake....I can't help but think about the twin's Ethiopian family. I wonder what they are thinking right now, how they are feeling. Are they remembering this time last year? Do they remember it with happiness or sadness? Are they like me and have been counting down to this date? Or has it suddenly slipped up on them; taken their breath away that a whole year has passed.

I wish I wish I wish I could let them know that everything is ok. That Baby Boy has the most delicious, giggly squeal and eyes that actually twinkle. And that Baby Girl has a smile that lights up your heart and a wicked sense of humor. They are loving and brilliant and funny and healthy and perfect in every way. I wish I could tell our Ethiopian family that.

Yes, of course we can send them updates and letters and such. But I wish I wish I wish I could tell them this NOW. On the night before the first birthday, I wish I could tell them that the twins know love...they know it in three languages and two time-zones and a million memories and stories and whispers. I wish I could call them up, right now, on this night that I imagine is as emotional for them as it is for me, and tell them these things.

But I can't. I can't email them or Facebook them or call them on the phone. Thankfully there will be candles on cupcakes tomorrow. Candles to wish upon. I guess for now, I'll just have to rely on those.



xoxo- Kat

The 6 month reminder.

Their first time in a swing, Valentine's Day 2010

This week marks our 6 month anniversary as parents. Holy Hannah, where does the time go?

When people ask what has been the most surprising part of parenthood, I have to say: the mere fact that I love it. That sounds silly, but trust me, no one is more surprised than I am about how much fun I’m having.

I never wanted kids. Ever. Now that we have our 2nd post placement interview safely behind us I feel like I can really say that out loud and not be afraid of the repercussions. I spent 39 years actively not wanting kids.

It wasn't because I didn't like kids...I did. Always have. I worship my friends’ children… think they all hung the moon. But I loved my life. I loved being selfish about MY life. And I’ve never been very good with the whole “forever” concept. Having to do something forever (hence my finding a new job every 4 years or so). Being with someone forever (hence my history of only dating people for 3 years). Living somewhere forever (hence my need to travel and move relatively often). The thought of being a parent…of feeling responsible forever to/for a child did not interest me.

But (you know where this is going don’t you?) all that changed when I meet The Esquire. Ok…not all of it. I did start believing in being with one man forever and a day. But I was still not into having my own kids. Which was a problem because The Esq. is one of those men born to be a father and so early on in our dating life he made it clear that having a family was a deal breaker. So I reluctantly agreed. On the rare occasion when I did ponder having children, I had always assumed it would be through adoption. So we looked into it and decided that yes, our kids were in Ethiopia.

But even as I spent 4 months filling out adoption paperwork, I wasn’t entirely sold on the idea of having kids. And I spent most of the 10 months on the waitlist thinking, ‘how did this happen? I don’t want kids!” But I wanted the call. I wanted to see their faces. I wanted to know who these kids would be. I wanted to see The Esq. with his children. But I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a mom, you know…FOREVER.

So here I am... 6 months into having children that I never wanted.

I would like to take this opportunity and use this very public venue to say for once and for all:

The Esquire was right.

I was wrong.

I was completely, naively, stupidly, wrong and he was 100% right.

Having children is the second greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

I am head over heels, crazy-stupid, playing “In Your Eyes” on my boom box outside their nursery, totally in love with these two little humans. My Children. Just smelling their heads is like drinking the kool-aid every day. I have become one of THOSE parents. The kind of parent who can’t carry on a normal conversation anymore. Instead of asking how my friends are, I spend the whole time saying things like, "Did you see that? How he blew that bubble? Oh, watch this--he drools! Wait--did you see how she did that? How she breathes? In and out, in and out? Amazing!"

My name is Kat and I am obsessed with my children. Please send your 12 step brochures care of Little Ethiopian.

I always said (and totally believed) that my choice to not have kids was just a matter of picking and choosing the kind of life I wanted. If I had kids I would be happy but would have to give up some things. If I didn't have kids I would also be happy but would miss out on some things. No biggie, you pick the kind of life you want most and go forward, right? Wrong. Here’s what I've come to realize in the past 6 months: These kids were not a choice for me. They were a necessity I just didn't know about. They are right up there with food, water and shelter. I honestly do not see how I could have continued living my life without them. In a nutshell--I made plans and God laughed at me.

Crazy huh?

But the fact that I love being a mom is not the only thing that has caught me off guard these past 6 months. No, I think it’s fair to say that every day has been eye opening for me in every single way. I had no idea…well, about anything really. I mean, you can read and research all you want but until they hand those babies to you it is all just a pile of words. Plus, (and this is a little bit of wisdom for waiting families) I spent my time on the wait list reading stacks of books about trans-racial families and how to talk about adoption, how first graders perceive color and the cultural implications of cornrows. I never once opened a ‘normal’ baby book. So while I was able to talk about race issues with teenagers, I had no idea what or how much to feed 4 month olds!

Here are just a few other things I had no idea about before Aug 25^th:

• I had no idea how much fun little babies are…I thought they needed to be older to have personality.
• I had no idea how in love I would be with their fat little wrists. I always thought baby feet were the best, now I realize that’s wrong—it’s their wrists that get you!
• I had no idea how sad I would be every time they outgrew something or how ecstatic I would be at the sight of a first tooth.
• I had no idea how easy it would be put all my focus on the twins; ignoring my husband in the process. Suddenly marriage is a lot more work than it was before.
• On the flip side, I had no idea that I could possibly love The Esq. more until I saw him napping with his son.
• I had no idea that I would begin to question every single decision every single day... should I feed them more or less cereal, should they go to bed earlier, should I wake them from their naps, should I use a regular sippy cup or a straw sippy cup, should they wear socks or not, should we continue to read the same 4 books they love or should we try new ones…
• I had no idea how adept I would become at holding things with my chin or picking things up with my toes.
• I had no idea how small my lap was until two babies both wanted to be in it at the same time. Or the guilt I would feel at not having 4 arms. The guilt…I had NO idea about the guilt.
• I had no idea how freaked out I would be over their first fever.
• I had no idea how much I would miss them when they are asleep (not enough to wake them of course, but enough to go look at them 8 times a night)
• I had no idea of the celebrity-ness of twins when we go out in public.
• I had no idea how fast they grow and change and learn! They are SO SMART it’s scary.
• I had no idea how much I would crave their love or how much I would fear not always having it.
• I had no idea. About anything it seems.

I was clueless. And maybe that’s why the past 6 months have been so amazing and eye opening to me…I was clueless. Ignorance is bliss, that kinda thing.

But I’m learning. I know where Baby Boy’s tickle spot is. I know which foods make Baby Girl gag (anything w/ ground beef). I know Baby Girl likes to sleep flat on her tummy with arms outstretched like she’s flying and Baby Boy likes to sleep on his side with his hands clasped ready to sing a capella. I know they love the lid to the toy cookie jar more than any other toy around. I know Baby Girl likes to sit in my lap to be held whereas Baby Boy likes to stand in my lap leaning into me. I know Baby Boy will automatically try to put any new thing in his mouth but Baby Girl will smell it first. I know that Baby Boy needs a bit of cuddling after a nap but that Baby Girl wants to play immediately. I know the difference in their ‘we want attention’ cry and their ‘we’re hurt’ cry. I know how to help them stop crying. I know them. Or at least I’m beginning to.

Please don’t think this blog is about how perfect my life is. I mean, life is perfect, but perfect does not equal easy. The Wonder Twins may be the two most glorious creatures on the planet, but that doesn’t mean the past 6 months have been all rainbows and sing-alongs. They are babies after all. Two of ‘em. Who left everything they knew to come home with us. There were sleep issues and scheduling issues and now there are teething issues and sibling jealousy issues. Oh, and parasite issues, don’t forget those.

I’m not trying to gloss over anything, it’s just that this particular blog entry isn’t about all that. I wrote this entry for me. To help me remember just how far I’ve come in the past six months (or 39 years depending on how you want to look at it.) To be a reminder that sometimes the very thing you don’t want the most, turns out to be the very thing you need to survive.

Like Meredith on Gray's Anatomy, I've always imagined myself to be all dark and twisty. But it turns out I'm not...at least I'm not anymore. Now I'm crafty and goofy and unbearably sunny. I sing nonsense tunes at the top of my voice as we walk and make zerburt noises in restaurants...anything for a smile or two. Suddenly, my glass is overflowing and that just makes me laugh.

This life that I have now, this crazy, hard, funny, amazing, sleepless, poop-filled life—the very one I ran from for 39 years—has turned out to be way better than I could have ever wished for.

Watching for DaDa to come home.

xoxo, Kat

For those of you waiting...

Today marks our 5 month anniversary of being in the states together as a family of four. Where does the time go? The picture above is our most current family photo. How much do you love Baby Boy's shoes??

As it happens, today was also the twins 9 month check up. They are, much like Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way. They babbled and smiled and did all their little tricks for the doctor. She was pleased and declared them right on target developmentally. Which is a relief to hear because considering these are our first and only kids we have no idea what they should be able to do by now. And the books just make things more confusing. What to Expect in the First Year says they should be able to eat a cracker by 6 months! A cracker! How? They have no teeth!

As far as their stats: Baby boy is a whooping 24lbs and 30" long...that's the 89th percentile for those of you who understand that jargon. Baby Girl is a bit more petite but long: 17lbs and 28" (21st and 52% respectively). Again, the doctor is pleased with their growth--the amount of weight they have put on over the past five months is right on target.

For those of you waiting to bring your babies home--here is why this should matter to you: When we got home five months ago, neither baby weighed enough to register on the percentile chart. They were teeny tiny then but look what five months can do.

Here's another little story for those of you with babies in the Gladney care centers right now: Just last week a friend admitted to me that she had actually met the twins when they were in Addis. While she was in Ethiopia picking up her daughter, she toured the baby houses and saw the care givers holding four week old twins. They had just arrived at the care center the day before and were horribly malnourished and sick. My friend said when she saw how tiny and fragile these babies were she got all teary because she didn't think they would make it. She spoke to the staff and was told the caregivers would hold and feed the twins non-stop around the clock to make sure they were ok.

Fast forward 5 weeks and we get our referral call for two month old twins. When my friend sees our referral photos for the first time she gets very silent. I assume she's all choked up with happiness for us, but in reality she recognizes our twins as those same fragile tiny twins she meet in Addis and she's scared for us. Scared because she saw first hand what a long road they had before them health wise. But she's not a doctor so instead of scaring us with her opinion she decides to not mention having met the twins.

Fast forward again to last week when we have a play date with my friend and her daughter. Baby Boy and Baby Girl are rolling and scooting everywhere, laughing and hugging and being normal 9 month old babies. My friend finally confesses that she had met them in Ethiopia. She was afraid I would be angry that she hadn't told me this before now. But how could I be angry? On the contrary this knowledge feels like a surprise gift. Because now we know of someone, someone we already considered a friend nonetheless, who saw the twins before we did. Who had them in her heart long before we knew they existed. An eyewitness who can confirm what we have believed all along, that the Gladney care givers really did love on our babies every second of every day until we got there. I mean, come on, that's amazing! I am grateful beyond words.

I know how hard the wait is...I know how afraid you can be at 3am for your children waiting in Ethiopia but try to find a little peace of mind that they are definitely being loved on, and that one day--before you can blink an eye--they will most likely be in the 89th percentile too.

xoxo-
Kat

Sheer brilliance...at the speed of light

One night this week, as I was reading Baby Boy his good-night book he reached out and turned the page. Just like that. I got to the end of the page and he reached out his chubby, to die for little hand and very purposefully turned the page. I was blown away. He has had amazing focus for books and a love of being read to since the very beginning but had never really tried to grab the book or mess with the pages before. In fact he spends most of the book looking from the page to the reader and back to the page. He likes to watch your face while you read aloud. And then suddenly, out of nowhere....he turns a page.

I didn't react outwardly, just kept reading and at the end of the next page...HE DID IT AGAIN! And at the end of every page after that. And he has been turning pages ever since! Sometimes the pages get turned in an excited flailing (he is a baby after all) but most of the time he very deliberately turns the page. My boy. A GENIUS.

As for Baby Girl she also blew my mind this week. I entered the pit (our clever name for their fenced off play area) to play with the twins, like I do 20 times a day. But this time Baby Girl made a beeline over to me, doing her usual boot-camp scoot in double time. When she reached my lap, she bounced up and down and held her arms up. She was asking me to hold her. For the first time ever, she was asking me to hold her. I obliged and she nestled into my arms, looking around the pit like royalty. After about 2 minutes she was satisfied and wiggled down. And since then, whenever I enter the play area she immediately scoots over to me and demands I hold her. She never stays in my lap for long, just enough to claim me I suppose, and then goes on playing. And every time my heart sings.

I was a nanny for a 10 month old and a three year old...so I know a lot about those ages and up...but not very much about younger than 10 months. So it was kind of a shock to me when the twins came home at 4.5 months old to realize they didn't know how to 'ask' to be held or picked up. That whole "hold my arms up so you pick me up" thing has to be learned. So all these months I've just been holding the babies or picking them up when I wanted or when I thought there was a need... it was always initiated by me. Sure, they'd let me know they wanted me by crying but it was always a guess that being held was what they needed. And yet suddenly, that day in the pit, Baby Girl made it perfectly clear what she wanted: me.

Seriously... it is more than I can handle. These two developments. I am completely overwhelmed and overjoyed and overproud. My kids showing a love of books and a love of me....what could be better!?! But of course, me being me, I am also a tiny bit sad because I know where all this leads... today she crawls into my lap, one day she will crawl out...today he turns pages, one day he will read about a far away land and he will move there. Damn books! Damn developments!

I'm only 1/2 kidding. I cried when she crawled into my lap today...she's been doing it for a week now and yet today I cried. Because all I could think about was, "will I know when it's the last time? Will I realize when she has crawled into my lap for the last time?"

Fret not, I'm not sitting here binding their feet so they never learn to walk. 98% of the time I am joyful about every new development. But I figure I can admit to the 2% melancholy here because, well, it's MY blog. And if you can't whine on your own blog...

My children are gorgeous and brilliant and stunning in every way and I would not change one thing. Except to slow it all down so I can savor their stunning brilliance a little longer.

Happy 2010,
Kat

Melkam Gena

Today is Thursday, January 7, 2010 or if you are Ethiopian, it's Christmas Day, January 7, 2002.

On January 1st, the twins turned 9 months old (!). As of today they have now been with us for exactly 4 months and 3 weeks...one week longer than they have been with anyone else. We have now been the longest, most consistent presence in their lives as of this week. That is just a crazy thought. Every day is something new, and today the new thing for all of us is Ganna, Ethiopian Christmas.

Even though we live in Little Ethiopia, I didn't know much about Ganna so naturally I turned to the all-knowing Google and found this... excerpts below...

Christmas is a major holiday in Ethiopia. More than half of the population of Ethiopia is Orthodox Christian. The celebration occurs on January 7, the Feast of the Epiphany, instead of December 25...

On Christmas Eve, January 6, the city is crowded with pilgrims and tourists from all parts of the world. The people remain outdoors all night, praying and chanting. On January 7, the Ethiopian Christmas known as Ganna is celebrated. The word Ganna is used interchangeably with the word Christmas, to mean the birth of Jesus Christ (leddat). This celebration takes place in ancient churches carved from solid volcanic rock of that day and also in more modern churches that are designed in three concentric circles. Men and boys sit separately from the girls and women. People receive candles as they enter their church. After lighting the candles, everyone walks around the church three times, and then they all stand throughout the church service which may last up to three hours. After the service, the rest of the day is spent dancing, playing sports and feasting.

The preparation of the feast is an important part of the day in Ethiopia. A typical Ethiopian feast for the Christmas meal includes a main course, such as doro wat ( a spicy chicken stew), injera bread (Which is a flat round bread) and homemade wine or beer. The injera bread is used to scoop and eat the food, thereby replacing ordinary utensils.

Gift giving in an Ethiopian Christmas celebration is a very small part of this ceremony. Children, if they receive gifts, usually receive simple presents such as clothing. But, a very important part of the celebration is a sporting event called gena. This game is a form of field hockey in which sticks with hooks at one end are used. The game is played by having two opposing teams trying to outscore each other hitting a ball with their sticks. Usually, the sticks and balls are made from locally grown trees. In Ethiopia, the opposing teams often represent certain regions and the rivalry in these games can be intense. According to tradition, shepherds celebrated when they heard of Jesus’ birth by playing this such game...

The twins are sick sickies right now, with horrible snotty colds, so I'll be honest, I haven't put much thought into how we would celebrate Ganna. Luckily, Mimi's mom did so later tonight we'll wander over to our favorite Ethiopian restaurant and will at least get to give everyone Happy New Year and Melkam Gena hugs. But next year, I'm going to pay attention to this article and we'll have a proper celebration!

I wish I had more energy to tell you just how happy I'm feeling today...even with snot all over me, the thought that our babies are asleep in the next room, oblivious to the fact that tonight they will see all their friends, makes me smile.

More late, I promise. Melkam Gena to everyone!
xox-kat

Must read happy story of the day

Ok, so we all know I have become a blog writing slacker... but that doesn't mean I've slacked off from reading other blogs. There are still a few families out there waiting on their kids that I follow obsessively. And today that obsession paid off.

If you want to read a happy story go here. You will laugh, you will cry, it is DEFINITELY better than Cats.

After almost 13 months, Mark and Heidi saw their kids faces yesterday. And yes, I'm a little biased about how wonderful their kids must be... just read their story and you'll see why.

What a way to start the new year!
xox-kat

This time last year OR Our first Christmas

This time last year we had been on the wait list for 3.5 months and I was seriously deep into my adoption blog obsession, reading every blog I could find about adoption and/or Ethiopia. Sometimes obsessions are bad things (remember my search for the 'right' crib skirts?) but sometimes obsessions are cool avenues to great things. My blog obsession helped introduce me to this lovely mama who in turn invited me to join her Ladies in Waiting lunch group.

When I joined the Ladies in Waiting there were 7 of us all adopting from Ethiopia. Two had just gotten referrals, two were still doing the paperwork and the other three of us were in different places on the wait list. It was amazing to sit down and get to meet people on our same journey, to meet them In Person rather than just through words on a blog.

But as amazing as it was to meet these women, the true highlight of that lunch for me was when a recently ousted member of the Ladies in Waiting wandered in with her daughter, Mimi. They had been back from Ethiopia as a family for only two weeks at that point and I remember thinking as I touched little Mimi's hand "she still has Ethiopia on her..." It was like a celebrity sighting for me! I mean, here, in the flesh, was what we were all working towards...in 3-d, right in front of me... eating lemon slices! I can't explain why Mimi made such an impact. She was (is!) adorable but I think it was the fact that they had just come home, they had just crossed the finish line and that made it all seem so..... possible! When The Esq picked me up after lunch all I could talk about was Heather, Chris and Mimi and Mimi and Mimi and MIMI! He kept asking, "so who else was at lunch?" and I'd say, "and then Mimi scrunched up her nose! Her nose that was smelling Ethiopian air just 14 days ago!"

This weekend we took the twins to our neighborhood Christmas tree lot to pick out a tree. As we walked there I kept remembering Heather's blog entry from Christmas last year when they took Mimi to get a tree. I must have looked at those photos a thousand times... imagining what that must feel like, to do something as simple as picking a tree with your new child. And now, here we were, doing that exact thing. It just felt so full circle to me... I had wished upon Heather's photos and now here we were stepping into our own version. I, of course, cried at the hugeness of the moment.


That night, after The Esq hung the lights, we did the big reveal for the twins. They were whiny and fussy and I'm sure wondering why we were all sitting in the dark but as soon as we plugged in the Christmas tree lights everything stopped. The only sound was of their eyes widening in surprise. And we sat like that, the four of us, in silence, just looking, for a good 5 minutes (which is 4 mins longer then they have ever sat still before!). And every morning since, I have cuddled up on the sofa with Baby Boy (our early riser) and we have just stared at those Christmas lights while waiting for the rest of the family to get up. 6 am has never been sweeter. I might have to drape our houseplants in twinkly lights come January so this never ends.



December has just barely started and I am already a happy, sobbing mess over all the symbolism and joy of this holiday with children.... with my children.... I've said it before but I'll say it again...I just had no idea it could be like this.

Who knows if I'll get back to this blog before the end of the year so let me just go ahead now and wish you and yours the happiest of times. May you all feel as joyful and full as I do this year.

xoxoox,
Kat, The Esq, and The Wonder Twins


A few updates:

*Since we are traveling for most of December, we opted to get a tiny tree this year with just lights on it. But you can see I have hung three very special ornaments: The black and white Africa was made by my friend Harmony (you can have one too... just go here!), the two red hearts were made by our 5 yr old friend Pippa to celebrate the twins first Christmas, and the wooden cross on the bottom right was made for me by a boy at the Kolfe orphanage in Addis.

*Mimi and her parents are currently on the wait list again awaiting word on her new sister... fingers crossed, they could get The Call any day now! Now THAT would be a cool Christmas present!

*Of the 7 Ladies in Waiting--5 of us have our children home (a total of seven kids!), one lady put her adoption on hold and the 7th has her court date this Friday for her adorable little boy! We all gathered together this past weekend for a holiday party...all the kids in one room... the joy, the noise, the happiness...